Saturday, October 1, 2011

Those two pink lines...

It's 11 o'clock on a Saturday night and I decide to take a pregnancy test.  I took one a few days earlier--the morning I was leaving with D, my 2 1/2 year old son, for a week's visit upstate to see family.  It was the last chance I had to discover if I were pregnant while Mike was with me (he didn't come upstate with us).  But of course, I saw that annoying single pink line, taunting me. Ugh. I hate that single pink line.  Anyone who has been trying to conceive for, oh, more than one month, probably hates that single pink line.  Or blue minus sign.  Or however your test tells you.  But they all mean the same thing.  The thing that the digital pregnancy test will tell you straight up--no lines or math signs, but in solid English: Not Pregnant.

I also hate the pregnancy test companies who tell you that you may (keyword: may) be able to know that you're pregnant up to (key words: up to) 6 days before your missed period.  It's a good marketing campaign because, really, how many women will take a test every day, for 6+ days, waiting for that single line to turn into two?  And at $8 a pop, that's not a small sum of money to spend in a week for the same single-lined result.  But this is the second time around the pregnancy ride for me, and I'm not about wasting money.  At least, not too much... I knew the chance was slim to find out this early.  Still, I had hoped.

But two days later, here I am again.  I tell myself I should just wait another day to take another test.  I am 99% sure I am not pregnant because, while we have been trying...well, I honestly don't feel pregnant.  I'm waiting to feel the same way I felt when I was pregnant with D.  But I don't.  Mike takes me at my word when I tell him that (sigh) I highly doubt I'm pregnant.

But.  I take the test.

Single pink line.

Ugh.  Stupid test.

I set it aside, deciding I'll throw it out in a minute.  I take a shower, not even giving it a second thought.  It's late.  I need to get to bed.  I have church with my parents tomorrow morning...

But when I get out of the shower, I suddenly think--What if it says pregnant now?  What if it just needed a bit more time (I know I only waited about one minute instead of five)?  What if I'm pulling a Carla in Scrubs here?  I am sure it will still be a single line.

But I look at it.

Eyes widen.

Two pink lines.
Two pink lines!

And here is my movie moment.

I look up.  I whisper.  "Are you serious, God?  Really?  I mean, are you serious?  Am I pregnant?"

I look at it again.

He seems pretty serious.

"Thank you, God!"

I blink.  A few times.  In a dramatic made-for-tv fashion, as is appropriate at a time like this.  I smile.  I think I even shake my head a little and laugh.  I say a quick prayer for the baby's health, for my pregnancy, and then I want to tell Mike.  Mike...Right...He is 300 miles away from me...I resist the temptation to call him immediately.  I need to dry off, get dressed. I need to be comfortable for this conversation.  I snap a quick picture of the test on my ipod, throw on some sweats, and slip into bed.  

"Hey, babe," Mike answers.

He picked up.  Good.  Okay.  I immediately send the picture from my ipod to his email.

"Hey, Mike.  Can you check your email?"  I cut right to the chase.  I try to sound natural.  Apparently, I do well enough, as he's expecting a video of our toddler or something.  Remember, he is entirely convinced I am not pregnant.

"Okay," he says.  He might hum something or make some little filler sound.  I can't say anything.  My heart is beating so fast.  My palms are sweaty.  I couldn't eat a thing.

There is that beautiful pause.  Then...

"No way!" I hear a voice with delight.  "Really?  You're pregnant?!"  He laughs.

"I guess so--right?  I mean, you can see it too, right?"

"Yeah! There are two pink lines. The picture is fuzzy--"

"It's from my ipod--"

"But I can see it."  He laughs again.  "I'm pacing around the room."

We're both grinning the metaphorical ear to ear.

"You're pregnant!!"

"I'm pregnant!"

"We're having another baby!"

"Yeah we are!"

I had wondered, when we would find out for a second time that I'm pregnant, would we be as excited as the first time?  For now, tonight, I know the answer.  Yes.  Yes, we are.  And yes, it is still as surreal as it was the first time.  There's a baby in me.  A poppy seed.  A little dot of a life.  But a life.  There are technical worries that creep into my mind--we only have two bedrooms, how will our toddler, D, adjust, how hard is it going to be carrying a car seat and walking with D up all those flights of stairs to our apartment...but I tell myself, Not now.  Don't think of those things now.  Enjoy this moment.  Appreciate every second.  Because this precious excitement, this wonderful surprise, is now.  And I will enjoy it.  I do enjoy it.  I barely sleep that night, but I enjoy it.


grandma berta said...

OK, it looks like only 1 line to me! But I guess it must be 2 cause it is real!

grandma berta said...

And yes, I am just as excited to be a Grandma as I was the last 3 times! Can't wait for BB2! (Baby Bouteneff 2, as I am calling him/her)

Mandy M. said...

Tara, I am so happy for you! Having 2 is a lot of work, but so worth it! I never cried so much in my life until I saw Abby hold her little brother for the first time so gently and cautiously in the hospital and kiss him ever so softly on the head and say "I love you baby brother." I still tear up thinking about it!

Mike said...

Hooray! So excited for #2! :D

Tara M said...

Mandy, that is sooo sweet! What a grownup little girl Abby is...and it is so awesome. that they will always have a unique, special relationship. I am excited to give Dylan that chance (and BB2), and of course, us as parents!

Yes, the photo does look like 1 line, unless you really look closely. Not sure why it looks even more blurry/faded here than before.

Mike--yay!! We're getting back on that roller coaster! And this one even goes upside down and we're still doing it! ;)