Monday, August 11, 2008

We're pregnant! The complete story...

So a few days ago, Saturday (August 9), I decided to take a pregnancy test. I'd recently gone off the pill, so I didn't have a regular cycle yet, and wasn't really expecting to get pregnant. But you know. When you're in the mode to try to get pregnant, you always have a package of tests on hand!

When I took it on Saturday, a very faint, almost white, line came up. I showed it to Mike and said, "That's weird. It's never done that before." (Yes, I'd taken other tests a few days sooner. As I said, when you're in the mode...) He acknowledged it a little, but didn't seem too impressed, and I dismissed it, as well. I couldn't be pregnant. It was too early, I had premenstrual cramps and it wouldn't happen that fast anyway. I was completely prepared to start using one of those ovulation kits the next month to figure out my cycle. And yet, I knew we had been trying pretty seriously, and it doesn't always have to take 3+ months off the pill to get pregnant (which is kind of what they say)...But still.

So we went out that night to a play at the Westport Country Playhouse. We had dinner with Mike's parents, met up with friends, Gabe and Kel (I even had a little bit of wine at the theatre after-party--as I said, I completely did not suspect I was really pregnant).

I gave it little thought for the next few days.

Fast forward to Monday, today...I left work, and decided to pick up a few more pregnancy tests at CVS, as I had run out (and as I said before, when you're in the...). I decided to get a different brand this time, not sure why.

When I got home, I figured, Eh, maybe I should take another test. I know I just took one on Saturday, but what if that faint white line really was indicative of "something"... Mike wasn't even home--that's how confident I still was that I was NOT pregnant. Yet I did take the test, so part of me knew there was a chance...


I will never forget the feeling I had the moment that second line came up. My eyes literally widened, I sort of looked around to my left and right, like, "Is this a joke, [invisible] people?" I had a half smile on my face, but then my eyebrows narrowed in confusion. I was a mixture of complete giddiness and disbelief. My stomach had butterflies.

But what do you do when you get that second line--mind you, not even a faint line this time--when you are all alone?

I guess you take a second pregnancy test.

So I did. It was still positive.

And after the second pregnancy test...when you're all alone...what do you do then?

Since my mind still hadn't wrapped itself around the idea that I was pregnant, I decided to check my email, then start making dinner. Regular routine. I mean, what else could I do? I couldn't tell Mike over the phone. And besides, I didn't really know I was pregnant yet anyway. It was just 2 tests, right?

I also shared this brief email exchange with Mike:

Me: When are you coming home tonight??
Mike: WHO KNOWS. Actually, I think I'll be leaving on time today, so hopefully around 5:20.
Me: Yes, leave on time! come home! :)

He was not suspicious. Yet.

Back to making dinner. Now it's getting close to when Mike is leaving work. I suddenly get the idea in my head of why these tests might not be telling the truth.

It's a different brand. Yes, that must be it. These lines are blue. I'm used to the pink lines. The faint white line was from the other brand. Who knows how accurate this brand is. I need my old brand. I need it now. But I'm making dinner...and Mike is going to be home soon...

So Mike will stop by at CVS on the way home from work, so I call him. "I want you to pick something up for me there."

No problem. He'll be there soon.

A few minutes later, he calls from CVS. "Hey, babe! What did you need?"
"Well...can you get me a pregnancy test?" (Awful, I know. Asking your poor husband to pick up a pregnancy test. I say he should be proud!)
"Tara..." he sighs. "Why didn't you pick this up yourself on the way home from work?"
"I did...but I want a different brand."
"Oh," he is suddenly quiet. His brain is turning, spinning, thinking... "I'm getting a little giddy," he says.
And then he gets me the old standby brand.

Soon he's home, and he comes in the door with a silly grin on his face. I meet him with the same silly grin. "So...???" he says.
"Well," I say. "I don't know. I took a pregnancy test and it is saying positive, but I'm not really sure because it's a different brand, so I want to try this other brand I've used before."
This makes perfect sense to him.
"Okay, so try it!"

So I do, and we wait in the bathroom and watch as the line turns very pink.

"That's definitely a pink line," he says.
"I might be pregnant then?"

Of course, we still don't believe this. Not really. We still speak in "mights" and "ifs" tonight. It's only been 3 tests after all. I'll take one tomorrow morning, to be sure. That's when the hormone is supposed to be strongest. We'll just have dinner and then go on our regular walk tonight. We'll know tomorrow--if I'm really pregnant.

How many tests did you take before you "believed" you were pregnant? :)


Mike said...

Me? Well, I've never taken a pregnancy test, so I'll not answer. However, Tara describes our discovery of the news pretty well. I only realized that Tara might be pregnant while at CVS, when Tara asked me to add a couple "pregnancy testing products" to my list. I remember saying to her, "But I thought you already had a few?" She cutely answered something like, "I do, but I wanted to try it with another brand."

Click! That was the sound my brain made, as it moved a puzzle peace into place. And I started smiling, and getting all "giddy-like", just as Tara described. :)

Kat said...

This post cracked me up! I can't even count how many pregnancy tests I have taken. I am VERY familiar with the faint (honey, can you see this?) line on the test stick. Last time I was pregnant I did a few tests, then went out and bought the digital test (it actually says "pregnant" or "not pregnant"). When it said pregnant, then I was finally sure. But, it is very hard to wrap your head around when you don't feel any different. It takes a while to sink in!

Monsoon Mama said...

oh, i had forgotten how much i love reading what you write, tara. you make me laugh and cry at the same time... i love this story! and i love how your realization kind of happened in a moment but also kind of happened over a period of time. being pregnant is a big thing to get your head around! taking that positive pregnancy test was one of the most wonderful moments of my life, though, and, believe it or not, i actually only took one! don't ask me why :)

Kat said...

I just re-read your updated post and I had to chuckle again. First, as Divya said, you are a beautiful writer. The way you described this moment is so lovely and true. It was a lot like how I felt when I found out the first time. I was at home alone too. When I saw the line on the test, I looked in the mirror and actually said out loud to my reflection, "No F---ing way!" (and I almost never curse) That was the disbelief, awe, can-this-really-be-happening? feeling I felt. It sounds like you felt the same way. I think it's wonderful that you are writing this all down so that you never forget and your little one will always know how much s/he was loved from day one! (by all of us!)

Tara M said...

Thanks, Divya and Kat! You guys are the best! I'm so glad to have great mothers in the family who've taken the path before...and also great little cousins babies/toddlers who will be able to share with each other! (can you believe we will one day be the "parent team" in charades??)

Div--I can't believe you only took one pregnancy test! That is impressive! There should be a pregnancy-test personality test out there online somewhere! Like, what does taking 1 test say about you? What does 4 tests say? Etc. I think it's wonderful you were confident about it (and hey, you saved $18 or so!)

Kat--that is so funny--your reaction in the mirror, saying that out loud! I love those moments. I call them "movie moments"--when you feel like you're in a movie; the situation is so incredible in some regard or another, that you feel someone is almost watching you (not literally, of course). So you can do things like, talk to yourself in a mirror, or look around at the "audience" like--what the...? It's pretty wild!

grandma berta said...

OK, so I'm the "older generation"-- no home tests. Just drop off the pee at the Dr. office and yes, you're pregnant! Not quite as early as you found out either.