Friday, October 24, 2008

Pregnancy Week 14: That's a baby in there!

So BabyCenter gives you weekly updates on the development of your body and your baby's growth during pregnancy. I usually go to their site once a week to gawk at the see-through shot of the baby in the womb. However, I must not have been there for a while, because I check it out this week and can not believe what the baby looked likes! The last I saw, I could barely make out the baby in the womb; well, I could see the baby, but it didn't look like a baby. It just looked like a little thing, a shape, a tiny pink squiggle from a distance.

But now, not only does the baby look like a baby (its lost most of the alien features), but it now looks like it's actually taking up a bit of space in there! I'm at 14 1/2 weeks right now, so the baby is around 4 inches or so, head to rump. That is the size of some little baby dolls, or figurines; it's bigger than barbie babies.

When I see the picture, I am in such pleasant disbelief, I call Mike over just to look at it. He has the same reaction I do. We both marvel that a precious little baby, and it really is a little baby, is actually living inside of me.

A few years ago, the thought of having a baby inside of me freaked me out. I thought the baby would feel like a parasite or alien, like, "What is it doing in there?!" I knew I was not ready to be pregnant. Then around a year or so ago, I had a dream where I had just delivered a baby. I don't remember being pregnant in the dream, or having the baby, but I remember the feeling I had of no longer being pregnant. I was sad. I remember touching my stomach and feeling that it was not big, hard, round. And I missed that feeling. I started longing to feel pregnant again (even though I had never actually been pregnant, even in my dream! A bit bizarre...).

When I woke up, for the first time ever, I felt it would be amazing to be pregnant. Of course, Mike and I didn't actually want to get pregnant then, but I knew that when we were ready, I would be okay with it. And maybe I would even love it, and maybe even miss it when it was gone. Feelings or thoughts I have due to dreams often fade after a day or so. But this dream was very different. While it was only a dream, that feeling never left me, and I thank God for that (as maybe it was God giving me that little go-ahead after all).

I know pregnancy and delivery and recovering are not going to be easy, but man! It really is such an honor that a woman gets to carry a living child inside of her!


Kat said...

I definitely miss being pregnant. In fact, seeing people in the exciting stages of waiting and preparing for a new baby or seeing a newborn out at the grocery store makes me feel that urge! After giving birth, I still felt the sensation of the baby moving at times, even though he/she was no longer in there. It takes the body a while to adjust back to being "unpregnant" (if that's a word). For me, it was a little bit sad. But, then again, by that point, you have just spent 9 months pregnant and were huge and uncomfortable, so you are ready for it to be over too. (By the way, Tara, you are one HOT MOMMA in those bikini tops! Can't wait to see you 9 months preggo. You will still be tiny and cute I'm sure!)

Unknown said...

I totally used Baby Center...Jay and I would everytime we got the email to share with us the development of Morgan would get together and read what she was up to.

Tara M said...

That is so interesting, Kat--about feeling the sensation of the baby in your belly after the baby is outside the belly. When I read that, I sort of imagined the feeling you have when you ice skate or roller skate for a while, then you stop, take the skates off, but still feel like the ground is buzzing. Or if you're in an elevator for a long time and then you get out, your body still looks for that movement, and you have a certain energy.

And I guess maybe that is part of the postpartum depression some women experience? When the baby is inside of you, you also sort of have control over it. You can do what you want, and dictate how your day is spent, and where the baby is at all times. And when the baby is born, then it's a separate identity. I mean, I guess all this is pretty obvious, but when you break it down...

(and thanks, Katrina, for the bikini top compliment! We'll see how long I'll keep it up for!)

Tara M said...

Totally, Natalia! Baby Center is awesome! So much info. And the best uterus shots I've seen! It is so neat to learn all the different stages of development in the womb. And then they keep going after the womb! Do you still get their updates for babies/toddlers? One of my friends has it for her daughters who are almost 1 and 2.

Monsoon Mama said...

like kat, i too felt those random sensations of a baby moving inside of me-- i was so used to feeling those incessant rhythms of pushes and pulls and kicks and elbows that my body seemed almost foreign after anand was born! yes, it's like that feeling you have a for a second after getting off the people-mover at the airport :)
and yes, you are totally smokin' hot! you are so beautiful and full of life :)

Tara M said...

Hi, Div! Yes--the moving sidewalk at the airport--totally! That's exactly what i was thinking of.

And thanks for the hot compli! I hope I can look as awesome as you guys AFTER the baby is born!